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ihaveabadtummy:

I constantly strive to be normal, and in return I suffer even more.

This. We should not have to put our lives on hold and spend every single day in bed. Because if we all did that, we’d kill ourselves. I’m not being funny, or over exaggerating but we would. We all have to have things to look forward to, just like the fucking rest of you. We all deserve things and people that make us smile and forget about all the shit, just like the fucking rest of you - if not more. We cannot let this beat us. We can’t let it win. But for some reason, they all expect us to - and the fact that we aren’t, the fact that every so often we haul our asses out of bed to go see friends, or to go see a show, it means that we’re faking our illnesses.
Well these outings, let me tell you, most of us will be floored for days afterwards. Some of us will have to disappoint our friends and cut them short - some times even cancel. So if we’re lucky enough to have friends and boyfriends who can understand and put up with all that, while doing things to cheer us up, you’re damn sure we’re going to go and see them. Especially if they find themselves in need. Friendships and relationships and give and take, we don’t just lean on them, we want to be there for them if they need us too. We DO deserve our trips out, we DO deserve to bee cheered up, we DO deserve happiness in our lives, we Dwe DO deserve to smile laugh and joke as much as we deserve to cry, we DO deserve to forget, just for a little while. We DO deserve to fight this.

(via sickgirldiary)

So, I’m watching a programme Richard Bacon has done, called Anti-Social Network on BBC3, and it’s making me feel physically sick. It’s about internet trolling taken to the extreme of cyber bullying.

In one particular case, a boy called Tom Mulaney, got into a fight in school, and got horrible comments on his Facebook about it. He then hung himself behind his garden shed. So, then, his brother set up a page on Facebook in Tom’s memory, as a tribute page for his friends and family. Which, as Richard Bacon says, at first, was a comfort to Tom’s family. But then people started commenting things like “I guess he just wanted to hang by himself” and “Hey Tom how’s it hanging?” - and even things like “I gave him bum sex” - which is all bad enough, but what made me REALLY sick - was, the trolls had taken the photos of Tom his brother had put on Facebook, and edited them, putting a noose round his neck and red splodges on his eyes and mouth, which I’m assuming was supposed to represent blood.

Richard Bacon himself has a troll hater on Twitter, Facebook and on Tumblr too… and he spoke to “the UK’s leading expert on internet trolling” - and she said they want attention, and they live most of their lives online, and getting nastier and nastier actually makes them feel good.
And I think, what the fuck?
They don’t realize the consequences of how these things can make people feel. Richard Bacon seems to be taking it quite well, although admits that it does bother him. Because he wants to know, why, why he’s doing this, why the obsession, what he gets out of it etc. Having been a victim of anonymous online abuse myself, I can relate to this. I mean… I handled it pretty well, and I didn’t lose any sleep over it, and it didn’t upset me as such, but it did bug me. Because, I thought to myself, this is obviously a person who knows me, rather than an online troll - and the likelyhood is, that it’s even someone on my Facebook friends list. So it buggs me that they hid behind an anonymous face, even when they came and apologized, which, to me, renders their apology null and void (haha I’ve just realized they’re probably reading this right now :P)… So wondering who it was, I will admit, is still in my mind somewhere to this day… and it bothered me for the same reasons as Richard Bacon said… I wanted to know why they had done it, what had provoked them, what was so provocative about someone saying I’m pretty, how they could possibly think that what they were saying was true, what kind of sick, twisted kick were they actually getting out of it? Did the anonymity heighten their trill, or diminish it? But most of all, was how it could have effected me. I mean, I’m a strong person, and it’s going to take more than an ignorant, spineless coward to bring me down… but it could have really devostated me. Do people actually realize the effects their cruelty have on people? I mean, the trolling I recieved was extremely lighthearted compared to some of the hassle some people get… people much younger and not as mature as myself…

Richard Bacon is now delving into people who troll RIP Tribute sites… One perpetrator said that it made him laugh and people who took it seriously were too sensitive. He got eighteen weeks in prison, and is still trolling tribute sites. It’s just, totally disgusting.

But what also gets me is people who cyber bully people who are still alive… young teenagers. So many kids get depressed and start self harming because of online trolling. You may say it’s a stupid reason to harm yourself, but, you’re not in the mind of these people who are recieving these horrible messages, I mean, they effect everybody differently. So many kids have even killed themselves because of it. And because it’s not in a classroom, nothing can really be done to monitor it, let alone stop it. I mean, okay, you can’t stop school yard bullying… but at least the bullies get punished more often than not. But on the internet, you can hide behind a grey anonymous face, or even somebody else’s name.

I just don’t understand what drives these people to be so cruel and callous, and I can’t comprehend how they can possibly not know what sort of effect they are having on people. Why take your thrills in bringing somebody else down?

I realize I’m just rambling now, but seeing this programme has really effected me. And thanks for your attention if you’re still reading this… I appreciate it.

Richard Bacon has met with one of the people who was trolling on Tom Mulaney’s RIP tribute site… who said it all started when he was drunk on a Susan Boyle page and was trolling on there and editing photos, and his aim was to make people laugh. Richard has now confronted him with the Tom Mulaney incident specifically, and he’s claimed that his account got cloned, and he said it was probably someone else he’s trolled in the past - getting revenge - and he just can’t seem to get his story straight really. So he admits that he had a site under a pseudonym, and that he had been trolling, but he denies trolling Tom Mulaney’s RIP site. After the interveiw, he then emailed Richard Bacon saying he had posted trolling messages on RIP pages, but not on Tom Mulaney’s. In the emails - he said “some of the reactions I got were hilarious” and then went on claiming to be remorseful. I just, can’t believe that. He really doesn’t understand how this effects an already distraught group of people, family and friends, who are already grieving - it just makes things worse.

I mean, this is bad. This is awful, and it shouldn’t be allowed to happen, but how on earth can we stop this?! And there should be a way to punish these people, but how?! We can’t Police Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, MySpace, etc… There are way too many users, things get deleted, it’s very difficult to gather evidence agaisnt these people and aside from all that, it kind of violates our human rights.
I bet the people who “invented” the internet had no idea that this would happen.

The general advice for victims of cyber bullying seems to be, not to retalliate, not to react - because that’s what the trolls want, and that just gives them fuel. I would be inclined to back that advice up. If it does upset you - don’t bottle it up - talk to someone. You don’t have to report it and get the trolls into trouble if you’re worried about what might happen to you if they get into trouble, just talk to a friend about how it’s made you feel, and I guarentee you’ll feel better. Block them, disable comments, make your profile private, there are a lot of things you can do.

Five to Six months ago, I was in an awful state… A lot was happening in my life all at once, and everything all got on top of me, and it all got a bit too much to handle… Then I spent around twelve days not sleeping at all, which just drained all the fight out of me and made things even worse… I was a mess… I was worrying really hard over things that weren’t much of a big deal. Half the time I didn’t even know why I was so upset. I couldn’t really see it at the time, but now when I look back on it, I’m shocked that I allowed myself to get like that. Because of the state I was in, I lost something very precious to me, as most of you know, I managed to find it again, but that is not the point.
Sleep deprivation aside, I think I let myself get into that state because I simply wasn’t talking about it enough, I let it all build up and left talking about it too late.
Now, all the above problems in my life are still present, none of them have gone… One of them is slightly better now, but they are most definitely still here, however, I’m dealing with it all a lot better now… I’m not really sure how that happened. I think part of it was actually realizing what it was doing to me and everyone around me. And, ofcourse, getting my sleep sort of back to normal, was a huge help. Ofcourse these things still get to me, they still worry me or piss me off, and get me down a little… You cannot become completely okay with these things, especially when they are problems that just hang around, and you can’t do anything about them… Acceptance is hard… and sometimes acceptance is the part that makes you the most upset… But, you do realize, that worrying and being angry and being upset about these things, won’t change them, and they won’t make them better, and infact, your sadness with encroach onto other aspects of your life, and make the big picture even worse. With these types of problems, you learn to find a way… I don’t know how, it just, comes to you naturally. I’m not trying to tell everyone out there to man up, I’m not telling you to give up either, I’m telling you to give yourself a bit more credit, you can do this. And a warning, if you don’t, it may make life even harder for you. 
I’m not gonna give you the “it will get better” bullshit, because, as I say, my problems haven’t… but they aren’t taking control of me any more.
This sounds like I’m trying to preech the whole “mind over matter, it’s all about the right attitude” thing… but I’m really not, I’m just trying to offer some comfort to those with a lot going on in their lives… Life if short, and if possible, we can’t let our problems consume us… I see that now.
Some of you may think I’m talking about heartbreak, but that’s a completely different kettle of fish… the type of depression I’m talking about here is; “I’m having a bad relationship with my parents,” money worries, job worries, health worries, etc… the kind of stuff that just seems to keep building and building and building. As I say, I think the reason I let myself get so bad, was leaving it too long to talk about it all, to unload. So, just, find a friend, or your partner, and talk to them, you’ll feel much better after, and it will be a big help in the long run. Find things to be happy about… don’t let it consume you, it will ruin you… and not everyone is lucky enough to bounce back.
You are a lot stronger than you think, I promise.
Anyway, I hope my ramblings have been of some help/use/comfort to someone out there…